One of my least desirable feelings is being hung over. I've been there so many times as a partying teenager and young adult that by the time I turned 21 I was sick of alcohol. I was sick of waking up and reaching for the Advil and making sure I had the right amount of water by my bedside every weekend. I had the perfect remedy and routine down for relieving the morning after aches and pains. That's when I knew things could be much better.
I remember when my friend Lisa took me out for my 21st birthday to celebrate. By this time, I had been hitting the bars for years as a clever under-age drinker with a busy night-life. Nothing out of the ordinary, as most people my age were into partying. I looked older, my friends were older and I could get into whatever bar I wanted to.
On my birthday I ordered an obnoxiously large and strong cocktail. A long Island Iced Tea to be exact. This is a potent blend of ALL the white liquors with a splash of coca-cola and sour mix. I got so sick I spent the rest of the afternoon in the car while my friend continued to enjoy our shopping plans.
The point is, I didn't really want the drink. I just thought that's what you did on your 21st birthday to celebrate. Sound familiar?
Our ways of experiencing fun, pleasure and letting ourselves be "bad" are so limited. They usually including drinking too much, eating in excess and putting our body through stress. There's got to be a better way.
Training Your Inner Bad Girl
You have an inner bad girl and she is chomping at the bit. In fact, she can't wait to party with you. You know, there's nothing like a special occasion to give us an excuse to pull up a chair to the buffet.
Let's get one thing clear. You do have an inner bad girl. If you don't train her she will school you. This can be fun at times, right? You get to relax and let it all hang out and let someone else run the show. In this day-and-age of doing so much, it can be a relief.
Here are common ways she likes to make herself known:
- Just when you're feeling really great, she tries to sabotage your health efforts with large amounts of chocolate eating
- When you feel bored she likes to raid the fridge and look for something. And no matter what you eat or drink, you never feel satisfied
- When it comes to fun, the things she immediately goes for is cocktails, sugar, recreational drugs and anything that relieves the inner pressure
- She likes for you to stay out too late and eat/drink too much when you've got big plans the next day / in the coming week
- She's the one that say's "what the hell, I'm already off track, might as well...
You know what I'm talking about. She likes to party, she likes to stir things up and her actions generally results in some sort of imbalance. Guess what? That's okay. I believe it's ALWAYS better to consciously binge than unconsciously binge. So let's acknowledge her. (By the way, she loves to be acknowledged.) My point is to raise your awareness and give you some new options to experiment with.
So why do we look to food and drink as medicine and entertainment? Here's my two cents as to why we let our inner bad girl have her way with us:
1.) It's usually way more fun than whatever is going on in your life
2.) You're life could be a bit juicier and for the moment, your binge looks more exciting than your reality
3.) Something's bothering you and you may not want to feel it fully
4.) There's an unmet need in your primary food. (Primary food is anything that feeds you, but doesn't come on a plate. Things like kisses, hugs, movement, hobbies, great conversation, intimacy, feeling connected, fulfilling sex, work you enjoy, a spiritual life, feeling accepted, etc...)
5.) Lack of awareness around your options to party, have fun, feel connected, blow off steam without messing with your body
6.) You have waited too long to do something nice for yourself. You've reached a point of exhaustion / overload / over-stimulation / over-stressed / burned out / etc... In this place it is nearly impossible to think clearly and come up with new ideas.
7.) We all have a natural desire for expansion, lightness and bliss. You get to choose how you get yourself to feel that way.
NOTE THIS: You need to anticipate your inner desires to be bad instead of waiting for them to bite you in the bum.
It's like being at a good restaurant and they know what you'll need before you ask for it. You might be thirsty with your spicy meal and the refreshing glass of water arrives before you think of it. You'll crave a sweet flavor after a meal so the dessert menus arrive before you have time to ponder if you want it. This feels so great when your server is anticipating your desires. You can relax and trust in the flow of the evening.
In my life, I'm all about balance. I'm a libra (the sign of balance), in Ayurvedic Medicine my body type is a Pitta (the body type of balance, moderation and keeping our fire in check), as a little girl I had a keen eye for what was fair and what wasn't and I've even been known to take extreme measures to regain my balance. Generally, I'm really into balance and it's no wonder I help others achieve their version of balance for a living. That being said, please don't get me wrong, I am far from perfect.
In fact, my inner bad girl likes to show up too! I actually get bored when things are too balanced. My relationship is going well, then I'll stir it up and cause some friction. I get bored doing only one type of exercise, so I'll quit all together unless I mix it up and try new things. Basically, what I have to watch for is trying to find a problem to sink my teeth into where there really isn't one. I've got a fiery woman in me and my inner bad girl always wants to play.
Solution: I give her something to do and she leaves me alone. After all, it can be oh so good to be bad.
It's Good to Be Bad
Giving your inner bad girl something to do and anticipating her desires is key to really enjoying getting healthy. Otherwise, how will your inner health goddess ever stand a chance against Miss Baddy Bad-ass who likes to be a little naughty and mess with your health efforts. There's only one way. Throw your inner bad girl some attention and give her something to chomp on.
When struggling to exercise, spice it up and invite your inner bad girl. She can be really inspiring and can make the un-fun, a really good time. For example:
Can't seem to get off your couch to exercise? Find your movement edge.
- Been thinking about yoga? Get a yoga for couples video and do it naked with your partner
- Bored with exercise? Sign up for a class that feels like an edge to you: latin dancing, rock climbing, Argentine tango lessons, hire a hunky personal trainer, African dance classes, etc...
Don't get rid of your favorite party foods, upgrade!
- Love your chocolate? Get yourself the best you can buy, melt it and paint your breasts and ask your partner to help you with your chocolate cravings
- Serve aphrodisiac fruit smoothies at your next party by adding damiana herbal extract and chocolate syrup.
Work stressing you out? Build reserves of self-care.
- I've started taking Monday's off and every week I get to feel like I'm being bad. Everyone else is working and I'm off pretending it's Sunday.
- Go ahead, take a day off from work when you feel GOOD vs. only when you feel like you absolutely need it.
- Delete some emails for the hell of it.
We purchase reserves of computer paper, paper towels and toilet paper. Why not build a reserve of self-care? It's like credit in the Bank of You. When stressful times hit, you are far less reactive if you've been taking care of yourself. This stops the cycle of only taking great care of yourself when you're sick and run down. And that is an expensive way to live.
Feeling the pressure? Squeeze some life back into your Primary Food.
- Take a relationship course with your partner because things are going well
- Throw a get together for no reason and have everyone bring food and drinks and create activities or theme that doesn't revolve around boozing it up. Sure have some cocktails! Also use your creative thinking to create connection without (or less) alcohol. If you need an idea, check out the book "The Bad Girl's Guide to the Party Life." It makes me laugh out loud at the party themes she comes up with.
- Get sexy with it and remember you are a woman. Listen to music that puts you in your feminine, create a spa evening, take yourself on a date, do something! Go on a pleasure diet for the love of Goddess!
- Have a fun and silly date with your partner or girlfriends -- that is truly nourishing!
For me, I'll create fun stuff to bypass Ms. Baddy Bad-Ass's attempts to get some attention from me. And it is a discipline. Pleasure, joy, fun and living a juicy life is a discipline. Women are sp used to suffering, struggling and giving ourselves a hard time! Ugh! Let's give it up and find joy in our self-care, eating well and moving our bodies!
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